Friday, March 31, 2017
One Epic Night. Taboos. Hearts. Tears...
I had one epic month end. March 31st.
Too much workload. I did not even finish everything yet.
In the middle of my day. Arnie and i talked. Arnie is our account manager. It's his last day of work already. This guy is a very good negotiator.
He worked on my next contract. It's his top priority on his last day of work. And for that I am so thankful.
This guy unleashed the crybaby in me. He was a good adviser too. I just poured my heart out on him. Told him everything he needs to know. He listened to me. He said I kind of annoy him already because i don't answer straight to the point. These are his exact words "You have an automatic built in reaction firewall to simple questions that requires answers"
Ouch! That H-I-T me...
We celebrated his last day of work at Black Swan in Sukhumvit. It's kind of a team building attended by drunkards :P
So i got drunk.. had confidence booster.. and all the courage i needed to talk to B about all the things that happened to us. We went outside to talk and both of us ended up crying. This is a no holds barred kind of talk. Where i told him every little thing that scares me to hell. Where he admitted all the mistakes he did. In fairness to him though, he was apologetic. He said sorry for all the pain he caused me.. he apologized for the things that he should and shouldn't have done.
After we talked, we then joined the group inside the bar. Took a few pictures of us together. Smiled for a friend's camera. Held hands. Hug each other. I just realized that after all those months - I miss him. He still has me. I cannot recall when was the last time we have been this close physically and open to our feelings in front of our colleagues. We used to be so guarded. So careful that nobody will ever have the chance to gossip about us.
After footing the bill, he went ahead. He said that he cannot lose himself in front of everybody.
Tonight, all my fears got worse. I do not know if i will be able to bounce back from all the sh*t that's happened to me... to us! Depression is real baby!
Posted at 10:14 pm by electrobaby
Wednesday, June 01, 2016
Same Place... Same Time.. Last Year
It's the time of the year again.
So we set a date today. Same time. same place. (at our favorite place!)
B is like my shadow everywhere i go. Unusual for him though. He never stayed at the lounge. He's trying to get my attention. Many times he attempted to make me smile. Everyone knows my dad is currently confined in a hospital in Manila. Maybe that's why i wasn't my usual bubbly self. I don't talk much. No corny jokes either. I just smile at him but he knows me very well. He can tell when my smile doesn't reach my eyes. He made sure that i'll be okay. You're my number one cheerleader! Here are the remarkable words he told me today.
-Go baby! You should go home now. -I have no shame. I have no pride. I will call your dad if it means giving you peace of mind. I will tell him "you know sir, please take care of yourself, so your daughter could stop worrying about you and that she will have enough time to worry about me."
-B: If i were you i would go home.
Me: (Eating my brownies and staring at him)
B: Fine. NO is NO
Me: I'm not saying anything
B: coz your mouth is full but your eyes tell me NO -If you change your mind, just let me know and we'll get you a ticket.
Oh God! Thank you for blessing me with this kind of man. He is one of a kind.
Posted at 08:39 pm by electrobaby
Saturday, March 28, 2015
I had them all today! March 28, 2015
I have been so blessed today. Having a moment with each of them. Them means all the boys who matter at this point :)
He did what he promised. I guess he just wanted to check if i am okay or not. Actually, spending a good 40 minutes with this man is more than enough. As always he made sure he has a list of all the things i need important or not.
I know i can always count on this guy!
Honestly, I am not sure what are we at this very moment except that yeah, we're friends and we're colleagues. For the past 3 days, we eat out together. We always have a good laugh and share good food. But this one drives me crazy. Make me wonder if he is a He or a She! Lelz.. :)
*THE EYE CANDY*
This guy never fails to brighten my mood. When he talks to me, i turn into a fangirl. Everyday i see him, it's like my heart skips a few beats. Well, not really sure if it skips or totally stops for a moment. I love how his voice affects me. It's just surreal. Today, he invited me over for some snacks at the pantry. When he saw me leaving, that effin' voice called out "Bye Anne"
*THE BOY NEXT DOOR*
Lately, i started noticing this boy next door. He is so cute and always nice to me. He always have that ready smile and he waves at me everytime he sees me from afar. I like how he is sooooo cool about everything that's happening in the office. I had a few cute and memorable conversations with him today. Normally, i always have answers to his questions. But today for some reasons, i can't think of anything. I just focused on looking at that beautiful face.
How lucky can i get tonight?!
Dear Lord, please don't get tired of blessing me with awesome people in my life! I am forever grateful!
Posted at 01:39 am by electrobaby
Monday, February 09, 2015
Ang slo-mo ng araw ko ngayon.. and surprisingly I don't mind. In fact I am loving it!
Kaninang umaga, I was a little sad. Maybe because I was thinking about the person I should not be thinking about in the first place. Ang graphic ng utak ko. I was thinking who he's with at that very moment. At syempre kasama na dyan kung anuman yun ginagawa nila. Silently, winiwish ko na sana bumilis yun oras, na maging busy ako.. And eventually maging okay.
Pero that changed around 10:13AM :P (sorry I just have to document the time) Nagdecide ako pumunta sa pantry to get my usual drinks. Bilang routine, next jan ang pagsasalamin sa restroom.
Di ko alam kung tama ba na gamitin ko ang salitang UNFORTUNATELY (gusto ng utak ko FORTUNATELY eh) under renovation and restroom sa floor namen. Malinaw na nakasulat dun na PLEASE GOTO 6TH FLOOR.
Bilang makulit ako, syempre di ako dun pupunta. Nakatayo pa lang ako sa tapat ng water dispenser iniisip ko ng sa 11th floor ako pupunta.
At dito na nagsimula ang pagslo-mo ng araw ko.
Dahan dahan ako nagbadge out at nakita ko sa kabilang exit si POGI. (POGI def. good looking man, pero ang definition nyan saken, yun "eye-candy" sa kabilang cube ko). Dala nya yun laptop nya at mukang may meeting.
Bumukas yun gitnang elevator. So habang nakangiti kami sa isa't isa pinipindot namen yun "UP" na button on our way dun sa bumukas na elevator. Sobrang gentleman nya, pinauna nya ko pumasok. Yun daliri ko ayaw pumindot ng floor :P hanggang sa eventually napindot ko din yun 11. Inaantay nya pala ko pumindot ng floor so magkatabi lang kami all the while. Ang pogi, ang bango, ang asteeg… at ako ang maswerteng katabi nya nun mahabang mga segundo na yun! He pressed 14.
Apat kame sa loob ng elevator. All going up. 9, 10, 11 at 14 ang may ilaw sa buttons. 11 ako at 14 sya. Yes! May moment na kameng 2 lang sa loob ng elevator. Dito ko pinagsisisihan na hindi ko dinala yun cellphone ko. Chance na sana magpicture.
9th floor - bumaba yun isa. 3 na lang kame. Ang tagal ng 10th floor. Ting! Ok 10th floor na - bumaba na din yun isang babae. Dahan dahan sumara un elevator. Kameng 2 na lang. Buti na lang salamin yun . Eto yun eksenang para kameng sira. Nagngingitian kame sa salamin ng elevator.
Alam nya siguro na may something ako sa kanya. Kasi kapag ngumingiti sya napapahinto yun utak ko eh tapos bumibilis yun tibok ng puso ko. Tapos naiistop na ko ng bongga. Pero habang nangyayari yan naka ngiti lang ako :)
Yan ang pinakamahaba at pinakamasayang 5 minutes ko ngayong araw! 09February2015
Ang tagal ko palang sinulat to. Kasi nakita ko sa maliit kong salamin dumaan na sya. So tapos na agad ang meeting nya. 31 minutes na ang nakalipas :P
Slo-mo. Ok lang. Basta kasama ka sa bawat eksena.
Posted at 10:11 pm by electrobaby
Saturday, June 01, 2013
Happy Birthday My Dear SUPERMAN!!!
To one of the most
amazing men, I have ever met - Happy Birthday! I know I always tell you just
how many times you saved my days. Our relationship evolved from being
acquaintances to colleagues to boss/employee, to "partners in crime",
and to what we are now :) Over the years, I am truly blessed to
I have loved the
badass in you! The way you bully others to get what we need, the way you shout
at colleagues when they have issues with me, the way you argue with other teams
to make them understand our point. Especially, I love how you make things right
even if everyone thinks we're wrong :D You're doing all these in such a way
that they cannot be mad at you or something. One of your many talents I guess.
I have also seen
your softer side, the way you care for your loved ones, the way you console me
when I'm having a bad day, the way you make me look at the brighter side as
always.. The way you cheer me up. The way you always make me a part of your
priorities. I still perfectly remember how you did not want me to get mad at
you that one fine day :)
I have heard you
curse when you're frustrated, depressed, or angry… I've seen how sad you are
when things did not turn out the way you want them to be. But you always
believe in me when I say - "one day, things will be better!"
Believing in me is
another thing. You're the only person in the last three years of my life who
believed in me more than I believe myself. You trust me more than I trust
myself. You have so much confidence in me. Though there were times that I let
down and I fail, but still you've got my back. I thank you BIG TIME for that..
I can go on forever
telling people how good your heart is and how good looking you are! Yes, you make a difference in the world. And
I know that's true because of the amazing difference you're always making in my
And with every year,
I'm proud as ever to call you my dear.. dear SUPERMAN!
Here's a toast to
And here's to all
our GOOD TIMES yet to come!!!
I <3 you O! Happy
Birthday! Mwah! <3<3<3
Posted at 01:32 am by electrobaby
Monday, May 20, 2013
New Work.. New Environment.. Newfound Peace!!!
it's been like 2 months since i last blogged..
a lot has changed... personally and professionally!
1) New Work
2) New Environment
3) New found Peace
on New Work...
i already blogged last March 2013 that i'm resigning from my previous post in my last company... well, it lasted for 7 years and 7 months.. but even good things come to an end.. i left the 2 most important people in my career - GDM and Superman!
nevertheless, i know in my heart that those two men will always be a part of my life... those french guys love me as i love both of them..
even when i don't work with them anymore, we still keep in touch. the rest of the french team does :) it's a WIN-WIN situation for me. and yeah, i don't feel like i lost them..
on New Environment..
i chose not to work in the same area as my previous company. for one, i don't want to bump into old colleagues (especially the new generation) everytime i go out for lunch or run errands in the mall/grocery..
i want them to give high regard to their current work and company... after all, i owe what i know to that organization... also, i don't want their superiors to think that i'm encouraging their people to move out..
my current work location is not far from home.. just a 15-20 minute drive.. it's a place of serenity for me... there are buildings, yes. but when you enter the compound, there is also a fountain, green grass surrounds the walkways, there are ducks freely roaming around the area.. i really love it here.
of course, i considered the safety of the workplace... here, i am not afraid to go home even at 1 in the morning! my current work shift is 3pm-12am...
so it's a welcome change for me!
on Newfound Peace...
lately, i've been experiencing this inner peace. i do not know how, where and when it happened. it's just that i feel more relaxed, more laid back and stress free... i don't remember having felt this in quite a long time... honestly, it's something i only wished for before.. though there are still problems encountered everyday. but i'm thankful that it's not enough to ruin my day or make me worry too much...
to sum it up - i'm the picture of a contented, worry-free, and happy individual..
if there's one thing i still wish for at this moment.. well, that's for love to come my way.. i'll be turning a year older next month. and i wish for a lifetime partner who will love, respect, trust, and take care of me... :)
Posted at 10:34 pm by electrobaby
Thursday, March 07, 2013
Thank you is not enough...
This morning I received an email from my senior executive in my current work. I really appreciate that this very busy person took sometime to write me a thank you note. It just goes to show how he valued me and my services in general.
Here is an excerpt from his letter to me:
I'd like to say a great and special thanks to you for the patience and unmatched accuracy in handling the critical domain of <client> core profiles, that have made it a stable and efficient area of our services to <client>...
I won't forget your welcoming me and <client> people in Manila in last years, and always making things relevant and smooth, fully aligned with expectations...
Those words made me a crybaby... I can't control the tears.. It has been almost 5 years since i met Guillaume. He is my old man in the office. With his good words, the most natural thing to do is to send a reply... so here's what i wrote him..
GDM, your email moved me. It was surprising to read such mail from you.
More than being my boss, mentor and senior executive, you have been a friend, teammate and my father dear.
When i was just starting, you made it very clear that there's no room for mistakes in my line of work. Over the last 5 years, you never failed to suuport me, guide me, teach me.. at the same time, trust me. You let me do things my way. I practically grew up professionally under your care. It was a rare opportunity to be working closely with you. Since day one, I told myself to work very hard, give all my best and see to it that I will never disappoint you in any way. It has always been my mission to make you proud.
I have seen how you have tried to protect me for the past years. Whether I am right or wrong, you stood by me. You are always there to defend me. You have been there for me and with me every step of the way.
Through the critical times, even in your very busy schedule, you always find time to check on me. You always make sure everything is going smoothly. You have been generous in saying "thank you", "job well done", "great work" and other words of appreciation. It really means a lot to me.
Now, even in my personal life, you have been my guide. We, O and M, are very lucky to have you in our lives.
Words are not enough to thank you for all that you have done for me, for us. Thank you for instilling patience in me.
This is not goodbye yet. Until we meet again. <3
I am forever grateful to you Guillaume DM. I am hoping that one day, I will be given another chance to work with you.
Thank you is not enough!
Posted at 11:33 pm by electrobaby
Saturday, March 02, 2013
An Open Letter to the One I Love...
I have been meaning to write a letter to the one I love.. Since in the last few posts i have already mentioned that he is my boss, i really cannot just say it.. So last week February 27, 2013, I have already tendered my resignation to the company i served for the last 7 1/2 years. It was a very tough decision.. But i do not have a choice...
I originally planned to tell him about how i feel about him on the 2nd to the last day of my stay in the company.. but things turned out differently. He will be assigned to an out of the country plant. He will be busy as hell so maybe we will not have enough time to talk about this "serious" stuff..
Of course, he knew about me leaving the company soon. My last day would be March 30, 2013. He is sad about it. But he is trying his best not to show it. In our everyday discussion, he shows me that he supports me and that he is happy for me. He even said that i am his favorite colleague.. It hurts to just be a "colleague" to the one you love the most.
I told him several times that it is hard to leave him. If he would just ask me to stay, i will forget the thousand reasons i have to leave.. But he is not that selfish. He wants me to grow and discover opportunities outside where we are now.
So here.. I'll just post my little secret...
How are you? Can you do me a favor? I wanna tell you something. As always, it should just be between us, okay?
As you know, i will be leaving the company very soon. I will be leaving you :(
I know you love secrets so I left one for you. Promise me to keep it and not let anyone know. You see, I've been very honest with you since day one. I have told you how i felt almost everyday. I wanna think that after 3 years, you have known me well enough.
I just have a little confession to make. I do not know how you will take it. But you have assured me many times before, that we will still be connected even after i move.
I met a guy by chance. He became a friend or so I thought. Until one morning of May 2012, I woke up realizing that I am already falling for that guy.
I tried my best to push that thought at the back of my head. It's really impossible. It could NOT be. But it was totally beyond my control.
As time goes by, I'm falling for him hook, line and sinker :(
I cannot stop anymore.. The feeling grew deeper as each day pass.
I find it really amazing when I am having a crappy day and he'd say hello. Everything just fall into proper places. He can turn a very bad day into one of my best days ever... And hmmm I am guessing he did not know that he had that effect on me.
He is always there to keep me together when I'm falling apart. He is always there to save my day.
He's done a million little things that made me fall for him a little harder. I tried not to give meaning to every word, every action, everything he does, so i could save myself from falling even more. But all these fail :( Because apparently, it's not only me who notice about those simple gestures... Others saw it too.. Others who know both me and the guy. They are the ones who made me realize that my relationship with that person is not the usual anymore.
"Specials" are already part of the package - special favors, special attention, etc...
I keep on telling myself that what i had with that guy is still normal - JUST THE USUAL!
You know, it's really unfair how the world works. When you like someone, every little thing he does to you is already a big thing. But for him it's only a friendly gesture and he does not even know that he's making you fall for him even more.
For the first time, I've found someone I hate leaving. I've found someone that I can't get enough of. I've found someone who I think accepts me for who I am and doesn't tell me I need to change. I think I've found someone who I can fall madly in love with. I know it must be over and it never really began.
I like him so much. I love him so much.
I am not asking him to reciprocate the feeling though. All I ask him is to respect what i feel. I just want it all out. Hoping that after this, the feeling will die down naturally. And everything will be back to normal again. Me and Him - as friends, colleagues.
I can't stand to lose the guy for reasons i can never explain. Falling for him was never something I planned. But surprisingly, I did.. I still do!
I know there were times when that guy finds me crazy, annoying and weird. There's even a time he got mad at me. But he is nice enough not to let me know.
He has always trusted me. I never doubted that fact.
When i don't believe in myself anymore, he is there to let me know I can do things. I always get his vote of confidence. He assures me everytime that everything will be fine. He is the best cheerleader I had in my entire lifetime!
Actually ever since I knew him, no one else is worth thinking about.
He's amazing, cool, kind, awesome.. Simply put - he is the best!!!
If you are wondering if you know him, the answer is YES - very well..
The guy that i refer to in this letter, Superman, Pogi, Mister, Badass, "Adam", Boss, - these are all YOU.
I'm really really sorry. I did not mean to fall I swear...
I am trying to be as honest here as i can.. I'm leaving very soon. I don't mean anything bad or something.. Really - no bad intentions.. I just wanted you to know.
After you read this, you might still find me crazy and weird.. You might silently wish for me to be as far as I'd be.. and never ever be connected to you again :(:(:(
I am hoping that we'd still be friends after? And yeah, it's true, i cannot stand losing you..
I don't want us to be strangers... You're someone I want to be connected with - FOREVER! That is only possible if you will not take this revelation against me... After all, it's just between us!
I'll miss you.. Thank you.
Your MISS <3
Posted at 09:48 pm by electrobaby
Wednesday, January 02, 2013
Don't expect things to happen. It's better to be surprised than to be disappointed.
hays i'm so cranky today.. first working day of the year! actually malungkot lang siguro... i miss superman soooo much... yun feeling na may magsesave sayo anytime magkaissue.. or yun meron isang tao na nagchecheck kung okay ka, tinatanong kung mah kelangan ka bang something special.. yun siguradong mapapasaya nya yun araw mo no matter how sh*tty your day is.. though narinig ko naman yun boses nya... twice today.. kinda disappointed sya kasi hindi ako yun naghello.. i'm trying my best naman para iiwas un sarili ko.. pero boses pa lang bumibilis na tibok ng puso ko...
ayun lang... natuloy sya bumyahe.. hindi nga lang dito.. :(
ayoko ng malaman pa kung sino sya at kung san ka nagpunta para di mo na kelangan pang umamin ok lang ako, ok lang ako
mali naman na magtampo ako.. magalit.. or mag assume..
pero mas hindi tama na magselos at umasa.. una wala akong karapatan.. pangalawa alam ko naman na suntok sa buwan yun.... hello?! out of my league sobra.. too good to be true...
baka nga nagkamali lang yun nagsabi saken... baka hindi nga ikaw.. it still feels so damn right, but i just don't look forward to it in the future.. it's not worth the fight and the pain anymore...
i'm losing this fight baby... :(
funny lang kasi yun soundtrack ng buhay ko ngayon puro maroon 5 - damn you Adam Levine, why do you have to look sooo hot?! makes me go crazy.. a very very welcome distraction.. anong connect?! Adam Levine and Superman have resemblance... kaya pag nakikita ko si Adam sa pix, video or whatever parang nakikita din kita... yun boses nya parang ganun din sayo superman.. everyday i sleep and wake up to the same song and video - won't go home without you.. sa video nakasuit si Adam.. naiisip ko ikaw yun eh.. nakasuit ka din everyday sa work.. and i sooo love the way you look - very handsome baby!
hays, di ko alam kung hanggang saan, kelan, pano matitigil to.. hoping pa rin ako na one day magkatotoo yun sinabi saken nun 2 taong un... na someday...
one day darating ka din..
enough for today.. :( nytie guys...
Posted at 11:06 pm by electrobaby
Tuesday, January 01, 2013
Happy New Year Guys!!!
yesterday i put this as an FB stat:
Dear tomorrow, do whatever you want to do. I have already lived my today and I am not afraid of you anymore..
I wish I could.. but it seems i just can't...
last night, new year's eve, was the first time in more than a decade that we spent together as a family - a complete one at that - with mom, dad, brother and me. it was a welcome experience. in our dining table was mom and dad's best recipes... everything went well..
but i just felt something's missing... it's like i am still incomplete the entire time..
oh i forgot to tell you guys that jheff and i already broke up.. last October 7... i had to make the choice that night.. and i have chosen superman.. i believed in the saying "if you fall in love with two persons, choose the second, because if you really love the first you shouldn't have fallen in love with the second"
i thought superman would spend Christmas and New Year with me.. a selfish thought, yes... okay okay it's my fault....it's my wish and i just thought it might come true.. but it didn't...
probably he spent time with his family or perhaps with his girlfriend... what do i know?! i don't wanna think about it in the first place.. it's killing me.. :(
December 30 - i told my bestfriend that i'm not entertaining the thought that superman and I could end up together anymore.. and that i should leave that illusion behind.. it was just part of my 2012... a happy part i could not live down in years... i was supposed to give up on him on one condition -- and that is if he did not communicate with me either through email, call, text or whatever.. so i was asking for like a sign...
after my bestfriend and i talked about this sign... just a few minutes passed and he sent me an email.. my heart beats fast... so i think giving up on him is not a good choice..
fast forward... January 1, 2013
as i reflect on my plans for this year - i thought i could make use of some distance between us.. maybe i could work for another company... so i could live my dream and at the same time not be distracted by superman - the only guy i ever wanted for the past few months...
i am planning not to talk to him apart from the work related issues that we need to discuss... i wanna make things easier for both of us - no, maybe easier for me...
i don't wanna be a "just in case girl" of anyone, not even superman... i wanna be the only one of the person i would end up with...
if i can pull this act through - i'd be more than proud of myself! it will hurt me for a while but i know this will be for the best interest of everyone involve.
per the book "bakit hindi ka crush ng crush mo?" i will now implement the modular life system/method..Lovelife (or the lack of it) is just one aspect of life. It can be disconnected anytime you want to..
Your life has differents aspects/modules - work, love, family, set of friends 1, set of friends 2, set of friends 3, etc.
It is very important not to integrate two or more aspects into one module. If it happens, it could destroy your world when a part of it fails. and i do not want that...i bet nobody does.
And in the process, i also need Halamanization.
No feelings, no emotions, no complications. JUST BUSINESS! Inhale -Exhale -Photosynthesis...
wish me luck guys! tomorrow is another workday.. i hope i could get through this!
again, HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!
Posted at 09:12 pm by electrobaby